Queen of a Thousand Sorrows
by Vain x Life Poetess
Summary: To the end of my life there is nothing more I want to say but sorrow -The always jovial and strong Elizabeth reflects on her life, the choices she made and how her experiences came to make her the person she is today.


_"I remembered black skies / the lightning all around me _  
><em>I remembered each flash  as time began to blur _  
><em>Like a startling sign  that fate had finally found me _  
><em>And your voice was all I heard <em>  
><em>That I get what I deserve<em>  
><em>So give me reason  to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean _  
><em>Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes <em>  
><em>Give me reason  to fill this hole / connect the space between _  
><em>Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies <em>  
><em>Across this new divide <em>  
><em>There was nothing in sight  but memories left abandoned _  
><em>There was nowhere to hide  the ashes fell like snow _  
><em>And the ground caved in  between where we were standing _  
><em>And your voice was all I heard <em>  
><em>That I get what I deserve <em>  
><em>So give me reason  to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean _  
><em>Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes <em>  
><em>Across this new divide <em>  
><em>In every loss  in every lie _  
><em>In every truth that you'd deny <em>  
><em>And each regret  and each goodbye _  
><em>Was a mistake too great to hide <em>  
><em>And your voice was all I heard <em>  
><em>That I get what I deserve <em>  
><em>So give me reason  to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean _  
><em>Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes <em>  
><em>Give me reason  to fill this hole / connect the space between _  
><em>Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies <em>  
><em>Across this new divide"<br>_

**~New Divide by Linkin Park  
><strong>

**May 1****st****, 1536**

My mummy once told me there were no masters, that I could trust anybody but myself. Myself she told me, I was my greatest enemy because the mind could trick me and people don't. As I got older and learned the truth behind my mummy's death, I learned that she was wrong and later on that she did not lie for the sake of painting a world of roses to me, but to protect me from the cruelty of my father.

* * *

><p><strong>October 1<strong>**st****, 1536**

In my years as Princess I had many friends, in fact you could say I was everybody's Princess. The Lords and Ladies of Europe didn't matter to me as there was no world to me besides England. The Isles for me were the center of everything, my everything.

When I became a simple Lady. Lady Elizabeth, I learned what it was not to have friends, to have the people that loved and comfort you turn their back on you, to whisper behind your back, to say things to your face without fear of getting punish. I was nobody's Princess, but it gave me strength to identify with the woman that I remembered in my dreams.

* * *

><p><strong>June 4<strong>**th****, 1552**

After my brother became King I learned to be more self-sufficient, Mary, the rest of the people were not going to be there for me might as well I be tough and strong like the woman my mother was said to be by my only friend, to this day in this world –Kat Ashley. Anne Boleyn was my mother, but Kat she was my strength, she was the only union I had between the country, the legacy I was born to –born to rule, born to rescue England from the darkness that were brought by a corrupt and decadent church- she was my only strength during this period of injustice, during this period of insecurity.

* * *

><p><strong>July 28<strong>**th****, 1557**  
>Later in life I learned an important lesson: Those who love, whom you trust who praised you by what you said, by the titles you gave them, by how well you spoke of them, your flesh and blood, also your friends are the first to conspire against you.<p>

Mary was starting to become paranoid, I had to do something. I repeated this to myself each time. Philip, the Prince Regent of Spain was mocking compared to the strong and proud man that was my father, but he was handsome I admitted. And he took me by surprise when we first kissed, I regretted the day he parted. Not for my sister, not for the upcoming war, but for myself. If it had not been for his aid me and Robert Dudley would never have escaped imprisonment, in some small ways he also saved me from a certain death at the hands of my mad sister.

* * *

><p><strong>1558-1562<strong>

This is my mother's triumph. My triumph, what I have been complaining, asking and fighting for all these years has come about. And yet, I have everything my mind desired but not what my heart wanted. There is no Robert, no Philip next to me to warm my bed, there is no parent to cradle to tell me everything is going to be okay.

I have nothing more than to rely on myself again. But all those awful doubts disappear each time that I am Robert, dancing with him, talking like a married couple would. He promised he would divorce his wife, Amy, and we would be free to marry. He did not care to be named King, but I promised I would nonetheless.

Why must I feel this way? Just make this go away, I knew that it could not be true. Robert's wife as always spoiled our plans for marriage, she just had to throw herself off from that balcony. Awful wench, even in death I could hear her laughing at my misery. It has been a while since I have seen Robert, besides matters of state we do not see each other as we used to.

* * *

><p><strong>24<strong>**th**** March, 1603**

Everything I can remember is messed up, completely messed up. I wonder if I should blame all of my problems on my father? On Mary's mother perhaps? If Katherine of Aragon had not ensnared the people the way my sister did, my parents would have had their marriage ceremony instead of being done in secret like they were two thieves hiding from the just. What just? My mind shouts as people are gathered around me. They are waiting for me to die. I will not give them the pleasure of seeing me cry out in pain, beg for forgiveness. What do I have to beg for? I never did anything wrong in my life, it was the people whose actions against my mother made me the way I am.

In a twisted way they are responsible for my success, my enemies.

Why must I feel this way? I have not asked this question for a very long time. Just make this go away, I whisper to nothing in particular, my voice so soft that nobody can hear except my head lady in waiting but she vows, whispering in my ear not to say anything.

I am ready –I say to her. I am ready.

Everything that happened between me and my sister, me and my brother, me and my mother, I could still remember her rose scented perfumes the divinity she possessed, how she carried herself with those long and beautiful French gowns accentuating her long and beautiful neck, her beautiful dark skin. I inherited her eyes but our vision was very different, our experiences were different.  
>I close my eyes and hear a whisper, a cry, a shout and later nothing …<p> 


End file.
